Ok, so we have the basic conflict. Every suffering has a reality opposing a wish/expectation. After doing the last exercise you’re skilled at identifying the wish from a reality.
So now what? How do we resolve this issue?
And the answer turns out to be quite simple. The wish and the reality need not conflict. You actually CAN have the reality in its fullest sense as well as the wish in its fullest sense.
Well what if the reality doesn’t ‘kill’ the wish? If we can do that, the wish no longer ‘fights’ acceptance of the reality and we can fully accept and integrate the reality. And the conflict is gone.
An example is the candy case. The child wants candy and now is told that there is none. The child can’t accept the reality that there is no candy as the wish blocks that. If there is no candy then wanting candy ‘dies’.
So what if we said this to the child…
“I wish so badly that we had candy. I wish we had red candies, blue ones, green ones, pink ones. I wish we had bags and bags, boxes and boxes of candies. I wish we had so many candies that the whole entire house would be stuffed with them! Wouldn’t that be awesome? Yeahhhhh. You would eat so much candy your stomach would be full with candy. All day and all night. Well we don’t have any candy in the house now and tomorrow first thing I will go out and buy you some!”
What happened? We validated the wish. In essence we said “just because there isn’t any candy doesn’t mean you can’t want it! You sure as heck can want candy and that’s ok even though there isn’t any”. The wish is valid even though there is a reality here. Once we do that, the wish no longer needs to block the reality as it’s in no danger of ‘dying’. Once we have that the reality is accepted and integrated.
And so the solution to The Basic Conflict is extremely simple. The key is to validate the wish before you try and stuff home the reality.
Turns out I have a simple formula to do this. And here it is.
Simply say out loud “I wish I had my first class ticket, of course I wish I had my first class ticket, who wouldn’t?! And I acknowledge the fact that I don’t have my first class ticket”.
Here we validate the wish, it then feels ‘safe’ and it no longer needs to block the reality. We have the wish and the reality living side by side in perfect harmony.
And so here is the exercise. It’s called the Basic Protocol. Write it out in the comments and I will respond.
Start with something in your life that bothers you. Rate how bad it bothers you at this moment from 1-10 (with 10 being the worst). Write the topic and the number.
Next write it out fully using the Basic Formula. Then notice the next wish or reality that comes afterwards and use the Basic Formula on that as well. Then the next thing that comes. Do it for 10 items or till nothing more comes.
Then rerate it on 1-10. If it changed, describe what changed.
Here is an example.
Failing school – 8.8
I wish I would not be failing school. Of course I wish I would not be failing school, who wouldn’t? And I acknowledge the fact that I’m failing school.
I wish I could study well. Ofc I wish I could study well, who wouldn’t? And I acknowledge the fact that I can’t study well.
I wish my Dad didn’t have such big expectations for me. Ofc I wish…
4 – I feel X has changed…