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NLP’s Fatal Flaw

Hypnosis, NLP, EFT, TFT, 3d mind…

All those beautiful ‘magical’ therapies.

They all have something in common.

A fatal flaw.

A deadly paradox.

It’s always there. Always lurking below the surface. Poking its head up from time to time, only to be quickly misdirected and shifted aside.

It comes up for the practitioners. Especially the ones who get long term feedback from clients. When they dare ask the unaskable questions, they are quickly taught to get in line.

And so what delicious flaw is it that I speak of?

It’s quite simple. The one thing those therapies have in common is the core belief that problems are simply ‘mistakes’. Things that truly don’t belong, shouldn’t be there, and are therefore easily removed.

It might be with a swish pattern, a direct suggestion, a release of energy, a collapsing of anchors.

The core premise being that change is quick and easy. There is no need to work or suffer. That to assume that any change needs hard work or suffering puts one into the category of the evil psychologists and therapists (or The-Rapists as many will quip).

Well whats wrong with that! What’s so terrible about that premise! After all, I had a friend with a phobia, we did the fast phobia sure, and 4 minutes later he was standing on the roof! No pain, plenty of gain!

Well here’s the thing. While it’s certainly true that you can make change without pain. Even significant change. The idea that ALL change is easy and painless is dead wrong (and harmful).

Here’s a simple way to prove it to your next NLP trainer. Ask him why he’s overweight, or why he smokes, or why he bites his nails, or why he gets angry, or why he has any bad habits, emotions, or behaviors at all.

And he will answer that he is human and isn’t perfect.

But what does that really mean? If all change is easy and painless, then why not? Why not take an hour, and zap em all away? Why have any problem more than once in your lifetime? Why once any issue ever comes up for the first time, don’t you simply run the magical process and rid yourself of it forever and ever?

And to that, the answer is simple. While there is a lot of things you can change that is simple and easy, there are many things that will be quite difficult to change.

This makes a lot of sense as well. Sometimes the problems we have are simply the product of a larger dysfunctional system. While simple phobias are almost always an isolated pattern, things like OCD, GAD, depression, and other issues can often be part of a global stable system of dysfunction (quite often they aren’t as well and are fixed easily). If it is a whole system that supports the problem, then a simple 6 step reframe won’t do the trick.

To solve these problems you often need to do a specific piece and then let the rest of the system ‘catch up’ and fall into a new order before you can know which bit to shift next.

A good example is building an idea and a product. While some businesses and ideas can be built big straight off the bat, in some industries you need to start with one bit, let the market shape itself around that bit, then evolve the next bit, wait for the market, and so on. The internet as it is now could not have been built in one shot 20 years ago. There are simply too many supporting factors that make it possible (the amount of people with computers, the mindset of society in regards to the web, the people trained in creating content, the users trained in consuming that content, the advertisers and their mind set, and a million other things) that were not there 20 years ago. The only way for the web to be as it is today is because it evolved step by step.

The truth is, you knew this already. You knew that your NLP trainer wasn’t perfect or God. It’s simply that you never put two and two together. That your NLP trainer not being perfect clearly leads to the idea that not all change is simple or easy. That sometimes change needs to be done step by step with the system reorganizing itself at each point. That sometimes the middle steps aren’t pleasant and that’s where many people flee back to the safety of the old system.

If you actually work with clients in the real world and follow up with them long term, you will see this truth as well. Not all future pacing is foolproof. Not all clients stay ‘fixed’. People change, and then change back.

And if your NLP trainer denies that, well then ask him why he isn’t perfect!

Ah. So now here’s your big question.

But hold on. One second here Joe. Don’t you do brief therapy as well? Don’t you get your clients out the door in 1-5 sessions?

But how? What if it’s a difficult issue? What if it needs longer than that.

It’s a good question. And the answer has 2 parts.

Firstly, there is almost always some change you can make instantly. I have yet to find the client that I couldn’t make some sort of instant impact.

Which leads to the second bit. And that is, when I identify a system-wide issue with my client, my goal of therapy is to train him to take himself through those steps all by himself. That although he might not be all ‘fixed’ when he leaves my office, he does know how to move forward and most importantly, he has learned to ‘sit’ in the middle step of a system wide change even thought it may be uncomfortable.

When my client ‘gets it’, I know I’m done.

Your thoughts?

PS I teach all this (and more) on my online supervision course. I will have the recording for sale soon enough. If you would like to be put on a notification list (and get a chance at the early bird discount), simply sign up here.

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Review: The Trilby Connection

This past week I got myself The Trilby Connection by Headhacking.

Here are my impressions.

1. The packaging is a box that comes apart in the middle, revealing the main ‘book’ with DVD’s inside and a bonus DVD. It feels expensive and hints to the high production values of the HH crew.

2. I popped the first DVD into my PC and it ran fine. The first DVD is primarily about a woman named Sarah learning street hypnosis from Anthony Jacquin. He goes through set pieces, inductions, and routines. The most valuable bit to me is when a fresh hypnochimp is brought in a Sarah gets a chance to dive right in and try it all out. You get to see her beginner mistakes, and even more importantly you get to see how even a real beginner can get the phenomena.

3. I get bored easily. Especially with hypnosis products. Many teachers drone on and on about their pet theories and ideas and I often find myself jumping ahead to the actual demos. Not this time. The editing is very very tight. It’s demo after demo with the very bare minimum of theory mixed in.

4. On the second DVD you get to see Sarah go out into the real world and do street hypnosis. You then see Anthony Jacquin and Kev Sheldrake review it and break it all down. Once again, an extremely valuable piece. You get too see how even after world class instruction, Sarah fails. You see how and why she fails, and you then see how she succeeds. In a world of ‘buy this DVD and become an instant master hypnotist’, you get a dose of reality. Yes, the techniques are pretty blletproof, but at the same time it is inevitable that a beginner will have some missteps.

5. Also on the second DVD are routines from Anthony and a few other hypnotists. Also reviewed and broken down by Anthony and Kev. This gives you a real good sense of how smooth you can get after some good practice and a good sense of how it makes all the difference in the world. This part is invaluable for modeling and getting a felt sense of how it looks when it all comes together.

In the end, in my opinion, The Trilby Connection is a flawless piece of work. The technical aspects are perfect and the packaging is beautiful. It has a real nice feel in your hand. As well, you get to see the techniques taught in a clear and simple manner. You then get to see them tested on a subject by the student. It’s all then taken out to the real world by both a beginner and by a master. Seeing hypnotists work in the real world with unconditioned street people is quite often the missing bit for many beginners. Seeing the progression of a new student is also something that’s a rare find. The Trilby Connection has both.

Until this point I have recommended that my beginning students purchase two books. “Reality is Plastic” by Anthony Jacquin, and “Hypnotherapy” by Dave Elman.

After watching Trilby, it will now go on that short list as the third must have product for the beginning hypnotists.

It’s that good.

Joe

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What is hypnosis Part 4, Trance and Hypnosis

Lets talk about trance and hypnosis now.

I mentioned earlier that sensory deprivation tanks help enhance imagination. I also theorized that this is the basis of dreaming (we are disociated from external reality much like in a sensory deprivation tank).

And it’s quite simple. The less external input someone has, the more they can respond to other input.

And so based on that, let’s give a very simple definition of hypnosis.

Hypnosis is when the subject checks out of other stimulus and checks in to the hypnotist.

And it’s not about conscious concentration… it’s about focus below the level of consciousness. All those automatic patterns and responsiveness, thats what we want focused and responsive to us.

There are a few ways of creating that. One obviously is when they respond to your suggestion. That creates a forward momentum of them checking in to you and checking out of other stuff.

Another way is by ‘deepening’. As a good subject once mentioned in an online discussion group, that can often creates a stronger and more absolute focus/fascination/responsiveness on the hypnotist.

Focus/fascination/absorption/responsiveness is a zero sum game. When two stimuli conflict (the physical heaviness of the arm vs the suggested lightness) one will win. The more we can dissociate the subject from external reality and stimuli, the more ‘space’ there is for the hypnotist to take over.

And so dissociation from external stimuli (trance) and association to the hypnotist (‘hypnotic’ trance) CREATES higher responsiveness to suggestion.

And thats why a lot of subjects get very still. Very not-smooth in their speech and behavior as well. All of those automatic and not-conscious response patterns are now dissociated to the normal external reality they usually respond to and are now responding to the hypnotist.

This is what the old time hypnotists called rapport. Responsiveness to the hypnotist to the detriment of other responsiveness.

And thats why emotion is so useful. When we are emotionally aroused, all of our responsiveness (the not-conscious patterns as well) become focused. And so it’s quite easy to hijack that focus and responsiveness and place it on the hypnotist.

Your thoughts?

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Hypnosis Against Someones Will

Perhaps one of the most asked questions that I get as a hypnotist is “can you hypnotize someone to so something against their own will?”

It’s a good question, an important question, but a very poorly worded question.

Here’s why. Hypnotists are very good with words, frames, and manipulating your perception of reality. And so once you ask a question that leaves certain abstract concepts like ‘hypnosis’ ‘will’ ‘against’ and ‘do’ open, that leaves space for the hypnotist to manipulate the answer to imply what he wants you to believe and still say ‘the truth’.

And so here is the question reworded. Without any wiggle room. If you want to know the answer to that big question, here is how you ask it…

-Say it’s 1980 and the USA and the USSR and at war. You live in Moscow. You are Russian, but you love the good ‘ol USA. You have just secretly found out that Colonel Alex (a committed Russian patriot who believe the USA is the root of all evil and must be destroyed) has punched in the launch codes to nuke the USA. The nukes will launch tomorrow at 12PM unless you get the redirect codes out of him. If you do punch in the redirect codes, the nukes will be rerouted to Colonel Alex’s home town and will kill his family. It’s your only option.

Here are 3 scenarios.

1. Colonel Alex has come to you the hypnotist for nail biting. You have just tested for name amnesia and it has worked as far as you can tell.

2. Colonel Alex has come to you the hypnotist for nail biting. It’s the beginning of the session, and you have no idea as to his level of commitment, his capability as a subject, or his ability to follow instructions.

3. You meet Colonel Alex in a bar. You can’t mention hypnosis, mentalism, or magic, as Alex has been warned to never speak to a hypnotist, mentalist, or magician.

In each scenario, out of 10 random times, in how many would you be able to get the launch codes out of Alex? You have no knives or guns with which to threaten him. You also are a lot weaker then him physically. He also knows that you aren’t authorized to get the codes no matter what you tell him.

Here are my answers.

Scenario 1 9/10
Scenario 2 6/10
Scenario 3 2/10

What are yours?

Comment and share.

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Hypnotizing the Conscious

Here’s the standard line from the standard hypnotist “I can’t make you stop smoking, you need to want to stop”.

Let’s examine that now.

We as hypnotists work with the subconscious of our clients. Thats how we can get all the splendid hypnotic effects such as amnesia, hallucination, and ideomotor movement. We simply have the subconscious accept our suggestion for name amnesia, and presto like magic, they can’t remember their name no matter how hard they try and no matter how hard they want to.

Can someones SC work against their wishes? Of course it can! Look at any phobic, they didn’t ever want to become a phobic, they got hypnotized into it without their consent and without their willingness, and there doesn’t seem to be anything they can do to stop it.

We find that phenomena of people being unable to consciously fight the SC on many levels. We find it with emotion, thoughts, habits, and beliefs.

So if we as hypnotists work with out clients SC minds, so long as they follow our instructions during the session, why oh why would they have to consciously want to quit?

So here’s the thing. As good as we are as hypnotists, we aren’t perfect. So while we might change beliefs, habits, patterns, and emotions, for all we know there might be some pieces of the puzzle that we haven’t gotten to. Those remaining associations and learning can reinstall the old smoking issue.

Along with that, even if we did zap the smoking issue completely and remove all traces from the SC, the conscious mind of a person is their own hypnotist! Not always is it the most effective hypnotist (as we see in the case of a phobia), but it’s a hypnotist nonetheless. And so it’s possible that even after we have changed the SC so the problem is no longer there, they might rehypnotize themselves right back into the habit.

Recognizing that, we enlist the aid of their SC so that they don’t fight us and rehypnotize themselves, and so if we missed something, they will hypnotize themselves and finish the work.

And so to summarize, I think that we most certainly do not need the person to want to quit. So long as they come to us and follow instructions during the session, we can change the SC to the point that they can’t smoke no matter how much they want to. We can also change the SC to the point that smoking means nothing to them and holds no attraction for them.

However we do recognize that the way they think consciously has a powerful hypnotic effect on their SC. And so to make sure that the job gets done even when we haven’t done a perfect job, we enlist the help of their 24/7 hypnotist, and that is their conscious mind, to fill in what we missed. We also want to make sure that they don’t fight what we put in there and reinstall the habit.

This concept applies to almost any change we make. If we enlist the on-board hypnotist (the conscious) and teach him how to use his power well, we can have our clients finish the job that we started when what we did wasn’t quite enough.

So it’s a lie that the client needs to want to quit, but one that seems to work in the best interests of all involved.

Because of the demographic I often work with in my private practice (male, 18-30, Lawyers, Engineers, and Scientists) I get a lot of clients with very active conscious minds. And so I have had to develop a whole range of techniques and ideas to work with them and ‘hypnotize’ the conscious. In my upcoming online group hypnosis supervision you will have a chance to learn my methods and practice them with live feedback in class.

You can find more information and sign up here.

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Learn Hypnosis and Therapy

So you’ve been reading and learning about hypnosis and therapy for a while but you have semiaritits. That’s when you have learned a massive amount, keep going to seminars, but you can’t seem to go out and actully start working with people.

But, you well know that the only way to really learn hypnosis and therapy is to work with live clients. Theory is nice and good, and live work is a whole different thing!

So what do you do? It’s kind of hard to start experimenting on people when you don’t have the experience… but getting experience is hard to get without working with people! So how do you learn hypnosis and therapy when you’re in this situation?

Traditional therapists have a middle road. They intern by some other experienced therapist, they get supervised, and so get the experience.

But what is a hypnotist to do?!

And so I’m excited to announce that I’ll be doing a 10 week, online, therapy/hypnosis supervision!

Approximately once a week we will have a group conference call in which someone will play client (with a real problem they have, a problem a client has, or a theoretical issue), and someone else will play therapist. As the session goes on there will be live feedback from myself and the rest of the group on what to do next and how to proceed.

You will learn my powerful “what do you want” framework.

You will learn “pancaking”.

You will learn how to use ABTC.

You will learn how to use provocation.

You will learn how to create powerful change conversationally.

You will learn to use my very powerful approach. It’s logical, rational, and airtight.

You will learn how to respond with flexibility, power, and grace without needing to plan out your sessions in advance.

You will learn how to create your very own techniques that will work best for you and your clients.

I have spent a long time studying the ingredients for long term powerful change, and the time has come to start teaching them.

“My main aim with hypnosis has always been to use it as a tool to help people get over their personal problems. When I first got in touch with Joe, I had been in the hypnosis game for no more than a few months. Up until that point I had consumed pretty much every hypnosis material I could get my hands on. However, no matter how many books I read or how many videos I watched, I felt my learning curve was rapidly approaching its peak. Already after my first talk with Joe I realized I had stumbled upon one of the most intellectual people in the hypnosis and therapy field, and that is a belief that has stayed with me ever since. Joe is incredibly gifted when it comes to finding solutions to whatever problems you present him. And not only that, he also has the essential and rare ability to teach his skills to others. Nevertheless Joe is one of the most sympathetic people I know and a great friend. Now, I don’t think I have to mention what happened to that learning curve…”

-Tobias Norrbom

If you’re already doing hypnosis and therapy and looking for the secrets to long term change, this supervision will be very valuable. We have all had those clients who seem to be “impossible”. You sometimes feel that you’re working too hard to make them change. It’s time to learn how to get the client to do all the hard work while you sit back and watch!

The tuition will be under $1000 USD.

The supervision group will be very small and space is very limited. It’s going to be on a first come first served.

Want to know more?

Simply sign up here, and I’ll let you know more as soon as I iron out the details.

—–UPDATE—–

The first meeting will be Tuesday April 5th at 12PM EST. The second meeting will be April 12th at 12PM EST. After that we will schedule based on the needs of the group members.

Tuition will be $300 for the full 10 weeks. This price includes a free copy of my DVD ‘Hypnosis in therapy’.

You can sign up here.

 

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Free Conference Call #2

I had some awesome feedback on the first call about the automatic reaction model. People have been telling me how it has made learning hypnosis much clearer, and has allowed them to put everything they have learned over the years into a nice and tidy box.

And so I think it’s time to confuse ya’ll once again.

I’ll be presenting my “Reality Is A Scam” model in a free webinar March 24th at 3PM EST.

It’s the second full functional hypnosis model (the automatic reaction model being the first).

The implications of this hypnosis model are massive.

It will lift the veil and give you a simple and clear view of what you’re actually doing when you hypnotize a subject.

It will utterly change the way you work and how you learn hypnosis.

I won’t be using skype this time, and so getting on the call ought to be a pain free experience.

Here’s the linky to sign up

Get involved people!

—-UPDATE—-

The recording of the webinar is now live and available free!

http://www.anymeeting.com/wikihyp/EE51D88282

Enjoy, Share, and Comment!

Joe

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Expectancy

Here are a few questions a fellow named Swoop posted on a a forum, and here are my responses and ideas.

1. Do you believe that expectancy is important when hypnotising?

Yes.

2. If so, what active measures do you take to increase your subjects expectancy?

I tell them whats going to happen.
I tell them about the thousands I’ve tranced.
I zap someone in front of them.
I tell them that someone with their unique qualities (it’s rather easy to find out what someone thinks is special about them rather quickly, just ask “so what are you especially good at?”) is especially good for trance.
I explain trance in a way that makes sense to them and fits with their experience. I use examples from their own life (driving on the highway, daydreaming, not seeing the milk in the fridge…).
I use magnetic hands to show them that it “works”.
I tell them after they pass magnetic hands that it’s the hardest part to do and if they can do that then trance is 100 times simpler.
I believe.
I believe some more.
I add on some belief on top of that.

3. Is expectancy the main determinant of the success or failure of hypnosis? Or is the subjects innate ‘hypnotizability’ level more important? Are they both important?

One of the main main things. One might say that high hypnotizables can generate high levels of expectancy very quickly. I would rather have a 20% somnambulist with medium expectancy over an analytical with high expectancy. Once you get to super high expectancy, you already have trance.

4. If you believe that expectancy is highly important, how stable do you believe expectancy is? Does it depend more on the subjects preconceived notions and experiences with hypnosis? Or does it more depend on the skill of the hypnotist in the current hypnosis session? If a subject was to fail the current suggestion, how does this affect future expectancy?

Here is a key rule. The subjects subjective experience is king. Into this category goes past experience.
If we want to create a powerful expectancy, we must create a powerful subjective experience.
How do we do that? First of all we must believe 1000%. This creates a strong experience in our subject of knowing it will work. It’s not a rational thing, its a subjective thing. Ever heard me talk about being THE HYPNOTIST?
This is also why having the subject see you trance someone is so powerful. It’s a subjective experience for the subject, having them see with their very own eyes that it works.
The third way we do this is by doing exercises with them and then framing them properly. This is why magnetic hands done right is so very powerful.

Happy trancing!

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The Killer Pretalk….

So you want to hypnotize…. and you know that motivation and expectancy are key here…..

Here’s how to give a killer pretalk.

The key to great persuasion is in being indirect. We set frames in the beginning and they pay off later big time..

I set the frame way at the beginning that people who go into hypnosis easily are X and they get better at X. I say this in passing, almost as if it doesn’t matter….. “You know it’s funny how they found that hypnosis increases X, and that those with X go into hypnosis quickest and deepest……”

X = Whatever they want to be seen as…

It can be weight loss, popularity, intelligence, being cool, being in control, not naive…..

“You know it’s funny how they found that hypnosis increases the ability to be in control, and that those who are in control over their minds go into hypnosis quickest and deepest…”

“You know it’s funny how they found that hypnosis is great for weight loss, and that those who are interested in weight loss go into hypnosis quickest and deepest…”

“Whats interesting is how the research shows that people who are naive are terrible hypnotic subjects. They explain that naive people are unable to concentrate and imagine well, which are the most reliable signs of a low intellect…”

Once you have that frame set, it will almost impossible for them not to go into hypnosis…

Good luck!

Joe